A Journey Through the Mind of Schizophrenia

  On My Knees by Jaci Velasquez There are days when I feel The best of me is ready to begin Then there are days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind 'Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain How to survive I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me See I don't know how, but there's power  When I'm on my knees I can be in a crowd Or by myself, in almost anywhere When I feel there's a need To talk with God, He is Emmanuel When I close my eyes no darkness there There's only light I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me See I don't know how, but there's power In the blue skies, in the midnight When I'm on my knees I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me see I don't know how, but there's power When I'm on my oh, when I'm on my  When I'm on my knees.

      I sit here in front of my computer. It's late and feeling like I can't find words. I feel empty inside and compassionless. The words don't come, and I can't find meaning. I am losing hope...and strength. I feel like a flower drooping, its petals falling one by one. The vibrancy is vanishing and the color fades. I thirst for something I can't see...for something I can't feel. I long for touch deep within my soul. For my spirit to become revived. I don't see it. I feel like something deep within has become distanced. Is it my change in medications? Medications that cause numbness, dissociation, distance and disconnectedness. The affective portion of my illness. A personality due to an adjustment in your brain that affects the mind, so I behave in a certain way. So, I don't have outbursts of euphoria. So, the depression becomes suspended in mid-air or rather mid-thought. Just waiting to drop. I just can't adhere to my illnesses. At times I still ...