A Journey Through the Mind of Schizophrenia

  Both Sides Now Rows and throws of angel hair And ice cream castles in the air And feather canyons everywhere Looked at clouds that way But now they only block the sun They rain and they snow on everyone So many things I would have done But clouds got in my way I've looked at clouds from both sides now From up and down and still somehow It's cloud illusions I recall I really don't know clouds at all Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels The dizzy dancing way that you feel As every fairy tale comes real I've looked at love that way But now it's just another show And you leave 'em laughing when you go And if you care, don't let them know Don't give yourself away I've looked at love from both sides now From give and take and still somehow It's love's illusions that I recall I really don't know love Really don't know love at all Tears and fears and feeling proud To say, "I love you" right out loud Dreams and schemes and circus crow...

  You know it takes more than prose or a pattern or style of writing to call attention to a very important message. One that many people do not get or much less want to hear. It takes willingness to obey. To obey to someone, we should all be holding dear. This is not my claim to fame. Not at all. Nowhere near it but I will proclaim a truth I hold dear. That's my love for God...for Christ. For a child that resides inside willing to obey yet I don't always get, but I want to share my understanding. I understand one thing the most and that is God's love, but you know what...it's the love he generates inside that is valued most. Because when we find that love inside and within, we share of ourselves. We share our story. God's message can then be proclaimed over all the heavens and the earth. Through us. I find it ironic that here I am with a diagnosis of a mental illness. One that is found unacceptable by many and understood by less. But yet I am willing...more than w...

  On My Knees by Jaci Velasquez There are days when I feel The best of me is ready to begin Then there are days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind 'Cause I've learned in laughter or in pain How to survive I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me See I don't know how, but there's power  When I'm on my knees I can be in a crowd Or by myself, in almost anywhere When I feel there's a need To talk with God, He is Emmanuel When I close my eyes no darkness there There's only light I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me See I don't know how, but there's power In the blue skies, in the midnight When I'm on my knees I get on my knees, I get on my knees There I am before the love that changes me see I don't know how, but there's power When I'm on my oh, when I'm on my  When I'm on my knees.

      I sit here in front of my computer. It's late and feeling like I can't find words. I feel empty inside and compassionless. The words don't come, and I can't find meaning. I am losing hope...and strength. I feel like a flower drooping, its petals falling one by one. The vibrancy is vanishing and the color fades. I thirst for something I can't see...for something I can't feel. I long for touch deep within my soul. For my spirit to become revived. I don't see it. I feel like something deep within has become distanced. Is it my change in medications? Medications that cause numbness, dissociation, distance and disconnectedness. The affective portion of my illness. A personality due to an adjustment in your brain that affects the mind, so I behave in a certain way. So, I don't have outbursts of euphoria. So, the depression becomes suspended in mid-air or rather mid-thought. Just waiting to drop. I just can't adhere to my illnesses. At times I still ...

There are times I want to say and do and feel so much but it seems as though time is the obstacle. It becomes paralyzing to the degree of uncertainty. The hopes and dreams that have shattered may have become crushed, but I know deep in my heart they will arise once again. To be reviewed, to be accepted to be appointed in a way that will make a forever difference. To make a statement. A point that irrevocably stands the test of time. Sometimes I sit here and think if Jesus were here what would he do? He puts on such a commanding performance. Sit and think about it. How would you go about grabbing one's attention? How do you instill thought, promote wellness and contrive to a conviction that erases all mistake, unnormalacy and yet pertain to love in a measure that produces strength...in number? Is it merely in a smile? A touch? Or is it in fanfare or the ability to produce hope? I am not claiming to have the answers. That is not my portion. God is here. He is solid. He does stand upo...

So, have you questioned or figured out the firefly's solution? It's the release. It's in the release. Not to be held in a jar or under glass for examination but to be released with freedom. This message can be taken a couple of ways. Freedom from living in a glass house or freedom from judgement, unacceptance and pursuance at all costs.  Oh, and by the way, a firefly has a little beacon all its own...   

  No Turning Back by Brandon Heath