Skip to main content

Hearing Voices



 Hearing voices has had a very profound effect on me. You are persuaded and yet then manipulated by the very sound. The very presence, idea and thought of someone else speaking in your mind! Speaking for your mind! It's scary, frightening and yet all at the same time you somehow feel comforted. Sometimes you feel like you found a friend. Other times you awake to your worst enemy. The very first voice I heard was of somebody in an authority position in my life. Someone I worked for and respected. Someone who was kind, gentle and reminded me of Dad. His voice was calming and soothing and made me smile. He was very well-loved by many. I used to hum a tune to myself while working. It helped pass time. I typically have a sunny disposition toward life and live with a carefree approach. Anyway, one evening at work I was humming to myself when I stopped to perform a task. When my humming stopped, I heard a voice...a whisper say, "Don't stop. Keep singing." I turned to find no one around. When I went back to continue my task, I looked up to see my well-respected boss leaving the department. It was his voice. The voice I heard in my head.    



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

In the Dark and Finding the Light

It fell upon me. The darkness. The delusions. The voices. Slowly. Cunningly. I didn't realize it...somehow, I just thought I was special. That God only spoke to me ! The grandiosity of it all made me feel not only special but the perks of having Schizoaffective and Bipolar Disorder caused a flight of feelings like no other. It made me feel free, unconcerned, creative and powerful...and then I would hide away. Embarrassed, ashamed, empty and depleted. It's like a reserve of these feelings were percolating inside...just waiting, ready...to erupt. 

It is Well

  There was a time it was not well.

Another Night

    It's another night. Lack of sleep. While wiping tears and searching fears. Trying my best to navigate a new beginning each day. I know without promise time stands against change. We condition ourselves with little meaning only to arrive at an intersection of hope and despair. Climbing escapades and downward spirals...opening...closing...to shut again.     Schizophrenia. An illness forcing me into hiding. Where people don't understand and can't accept. If we cannot receive and help one another where does our help come from? Biblically I know. But if we cannot talk or share openly about mental illness then that means I have to hide. I go into hiding. We are all hiding. Which way do you want it? Tell me. Because I need to know. It destroys me to not be able to express myself about my moods, my tears, my fears, my symptoms and all the despair. It all comes across depressing. Yet, if we talk about cancer or diabetes we listen. We try to gain knowledge and understandi...

Hearing Voices Again

  These voices. They impede progress. They get in the way. They defy the odds of my commands. They defy the medicine! I spend time trying to reason, trying to quell, trying to advocate to God my need for silence but they don't stop. They don't go away. Apparently, God sees more value in these voices then I ever have. What is his plan?