Skip to main content

Hearing Voices



 Hearing voices has had a very profound effect on me. You are persuaded and yet then manipulated by the very sound. The very presence, idea and thought of someone else speaking in your mind! Speaking for your mind! It's scary, frightening and yet all at the same time you somehow feel comforted. Sometimes you feel like you found a friend. Other times you awake to your worst enemy. The very first voice I heard was of somebody in an authority position in my life. Someone I worked for and respected. Someone who was kind, gentle and reminded me of Dad. His voice was calming and soothing and made me smile. He was very well-loved by many. I used to hum a tune to myself while working. It helped pass time. I typically have a sunny disposition toward life and live with a carefree approach. Anyway, one evening at work I was humming to myself when I stopped to perform a task. When my humming stopped, I heard a voice...a whisper say, "Don't stop. Keep singing." I turned to find no one around. When I went back to continue my task, I looked up to see my well-respected boss leaving the department. It was his voice. The voice I heard in my head.    



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Prayer

  Dear God, I know that I am not always present with you and sometimes not very available...especially lately. But I believe you know what is on my heart. I don't always know what to say and it gets all awkward at times. I guess what I'd like to say is I get so tired of all the suffering and not only for me. This goes way beyond me. I hate what I see in this world. The disparaging remarks upon one another, the violence, the hate and the times we don't take to understand. I know I cannot expect perfection in this life. Quite frankly I don't know how I would respond to it. It would be so out of the norm of what I am used to. But I am hoping you are listening right this moment and I 'd like to ask for your intervention. Intervention on our behalf. To shed your light and your ways upon the lives you seek and on the lives of those who follow. I think sometimes we try so hard, but our brokenness gets in the way. We are not always so resilient. We fall. We make mistakes....

Obstacles

    I am sitting here in the dark at my desk by the light of my lamp wondering and thinking about my path. My path with mental illness and in particular the obstacles I have experienced. Mental Illness is so difficult. It's difficult to grasp. It's difficult to understand and mostly it's difficult to live with. I wish I could sum it up quickly, shortly and with a depth of knowledge and understanding with simplicity. I like simplicity. That's my approach toward my appreciation of life. Simple things seem so rare. We live in such a devastated world and climate. Simplicity is the cornerstone to chaos. It provides an anchor or spectrum in which we can navigate the course. I like the simple things I find in nature like listening to the birds as they sing as I grow in curiosity of their message. I like watching them hunt and gather twigs and grasses they use to build their homes. I enjoy the rebirth of life after a winter's lull. I enjoy cool tiles beneath my feet on a ho...

I Never Thought

I never thought I would be here. In a place where time seems to stand still and yet at time runs forward without me. A place where the understanding is not mine to know. I acknowledge this place, but I don't know how to accept it, still. The irony is the ability to let go and allow time to heal my wounds but yet I am locked up and frozen in parallel. Where acceptance is the mode of transportation to a future, I have dreamed about. A future I don't know where leads. And somehow it frightens me because of the fear I've lived with. A fear of everything with me and a fear without. I have lived with nothing but fear for so many years. I do not know of anything. If there is a means or a way to acceptance it has steered me off course for so long that conveying would be to reach within to a deep and dark place I do not want to face. It's defined by standards we have set of ignorance. It's defined by loneliness. It's a space set well apart from anything we have come to k...

Open the Door

  Open the door for Christ.

In the Dark and Finding the Light

It fell upon me. The darkness. The delusions. The voices. Slowly. Cunningly. I didn't realize it...somehow, I just thought I was special. That God only spoke to me ! The grandiosity of it all made me feel not only special but the perks of having Schizoaffective and Bipolar Disorder caused a flight of feelings like no other. It made me feel free, unconcerned, creative and powerful...and then I would hide away. Embarrassed, ashamed, empty and depleted. It's like a reserve of these feelings were percolating inside...just waiting, ready...to erupt.