My Prayer

Dear God,

I know that I am not always present with you and sometimes not very available...especially lately. But I believe you know what is on my heart. I don't always know what to say and it gets all awkward at times. I guess what I'd like to say is I get so tired of all the suffering and not only for me. This goes way beyond me. I hate what I see in this world. The disparaging remarks upon one another, the violence, the hate and the times we don't take to understand. I know I cannot expect perfection in this life. Quite frankly I don't know how I would respond to it. It would be so out of the norm of what I am used to. But I am hoping you are listening right this moment and I 'd like to ask for your intervention. Intervention on our behalf. To shed your light and your ways upon the lives you seek and on the lives of those who follow. I think sometimes we try so hard, but our brokenness gets in the way. We are not always so resilient. We fall. We make mistakes. We undermine your very authority. But I want to help. I want to make a difference. I want your words to channel through me and reach the lives that need to hear. Each one of us needs lifted up from time to time and sometimes everyday...sometimes by the moment. I am not here to persuade but to just...if I could...shed some light. To brighten a day. To brighten a life. Could we make an impact? Can we make an impact? Is it not too late? I know I am only one little drop in the water, but I think I still have the ability to make a ripple. To create an effect that will be lasting. That will not be diminished. With your help. I know I can do this...I know...we can do this. If this is your will, would you bless this...bless us. Be with us. Guide us. Impart your wisdom upon us. Be a part of our every day. I know I can count on you. You have always come through for me in the past and I know you are with me now. I love you! I treasure our time together. May my prayer always be in your name. Amen.

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In the Dark and Finding the Light

It fell upon me. The darkness. The delusions. The voices. Slowly. Cunningly. I didn't realize it...somehow, I just thought I was special. That God only spoke to me ! The grandiosity of it all made me feel not only special but the perks of having Schizoaffective and Bipolar Disorder caused a flight of feelings like no other. It made me feel free, unconcerned, creative and powerful...and then I would hide away. Embarrassed, ashamed, empty and depleted. It's like a reserve of these feelings were percolating inside...just waiting, ready...to erupt.

In the Thick(et) of Schizophrenia and Bipolar

Years ago, I lived in a tiny one-bedroom basement apartment. It was situated off a very busy road and it was a hidden gem. I loved it not so much for the charm of the apartment which needed some updates but because of its backyard view! Just outside my double glass doors lied an oasis, a haven and a slice of the Garden of Eden as I imagine it to be. The 3-apartment house was surrounded by the top yard. It's what lied below that caught my breath. The bottom yard was scattered with old growth trees of different and varied evergreen and shady deciduous types. When I walked out my doors, I first came to a rather steep and long hill covered in pachysandra with a winding path of steps made from stone leading to the bottom grassy yard where a large frog pond lay. Beyond the pond was a shallow creek running the length of the yard and on toward the neighboring farm. The creek was filled with beautiful rocks and stones allowing the water to trickle through making music to the ear. B...

Another Night

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I Never Thought

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A Journey Through the Mind of Schizophrenia

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