Spring of 1999

During the spring of 1999 which was after my first hospitalization was pivotal for me. The first month or so I took the opportunity to relax. I was excused from work by my psychiatrist and took advantage of it. I needed the rest. I was not diagnosed at this point. There was concern but no one knew exactly what was going on. I was still oblivious; however, I was not frightened...yet. One day while sitting on my sofa in my walk-out basement apartment I was looking out over the backyard taking in the views. After a time of sitting there the noon sun had moved toward the west bringing in the afternoon. I had a very large floating mirror hanging by the double-glass doorway which I had placed there strategically to catch the sun and lighten up my living room. A little trick by decorators. As I was sitting there the beveled edge of the mirror caught the afternoon sun in such a way that it reflected and dispersed this beautiful and colorful light. It sent the colors into the living room in this beautiful array of beams and shone for what seemed minutes. I was awestruck. I had never seen such magnificent color in blues, greens, golden yellows and shades of red! This rainbow of color was alive and gave me pause to stop. And think. To take reflection myself on the beauty we are surrounded by, and I took great appreciation from this experience. This moment made me want to dance even if only inside. It represented liveliness to me. I held this moment for not only this day but to present time. This moment was filled with peace.

This same day I experienced another phenomenon. After the rainbow of light disappeared, I continued to sit on the sofa. I was having quite the relaxed and what seemed to be a lazy day but yet it was filled with opportunity. To pursue. To live. To capture and discover something inside that had stirred. It made me want to commandeer this stirring inside for purpose and meaning. This is the day I decided to invest in colored pencils and draw. But it doesn't stop here.

After my decision in almost a celebratory like way I heard a sudden and loud chirping of happy birds. They were close. They were near and they were just outside my door. I had hung an arch of grapevine and little twinkle lights around the opening of my door to light up the night. The birds I heard chirping outside my door flew around my opened and screened door. They flew in movement around my door in a pattern of circular motion. They seemed to dance just for me, wanting to catch my attention. They entertained, singing their song for me. Some of the birds landed on my grapevine. They captivated and delighted me. They brought about a re-creation in me. They were sparrows. They were on wing, and they taught me to fly.

So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:31 NIV

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