This post is more difficult to write because of the events of my life during the time of my teenage years. The middle years. The years when I experienced my first broken heart.
As I had mentioned in an earlier post about my formative years and how my family played baseball together on Sunday evenings, I will never forget how my parents tried to surround us with the dynamics of a healthy lifestyle by spending time in play with us, demonstrating love for us in small ways, feeding us good wholesome foods from our gardens and trying to be present and available to us in the best way they knew how considering the size of our family. It was in those moments spending time together as a family I felt loved and accepted. I found and discovered the importance of the healthy attributes of teamwork and leadership, of helping one another and fortitude of supporting one another in our failures and weakness.
To continue our family played baseball together. My dad was the coach, and my mom was the manager. There were 9 in my family, so we had a full baseball team. Maybe we only played by ourselves but the advantage to this was we always won. My mom managed our team by providing us with homemade pizza and fresh grape juice from our vine each evening after the game! Dad taught us how to play, to hit and to swing. My older siblings played the outfield while allowing the younger ones to hit. We each took our turns as directed by my dad. I didn't really play all that much. I mostly stood in the dugout watching. Here I am again watching and observing as stated in earlier posts. This seems to me to be one of my traits. To watch, observe, analyze and summarize about what I see and study. Characteristics needed for a good Psychologist.
But one day things changed. My dad decided to step out of the game. He decided for some reason he needed to leave. This broke my heart. My parents divorced and my heart was broken again. I was 13.
To make matters worse I experienced another crisis. I was 14 when I was digitally raped by a classmate while in school. My homeroom teacher just stepped out of her classroom when she witnessed the event. I felt very protected and relieved by her presence. I believe it was out of her concern for my very well being that the situation did not escalate to something worse. It turned out I was not the only girl. I was sent to the school guidance counselor while my classmate was suspended from school. He was withdrawn from all my classes including homeroom. I never saw him again. Consequently, I learned that after our high school graduation he ended up in jail. After his imprisonment he was released to end up in a fight with another man and ended up losing his life from his battle wounds. I walked away with a scar that followed me through life.
Another situation occurred in a whole new matter. I'm not certain of my age here but I do know I was a teen. In our family home we had a large country kitchen. Off the kitchen was my mom's sewing room where she made all our dresses. Near the sewing room was our kitchen door which led to our garage where my dad hung his coat and hat on a peg right outside the door. And beside the kitchen door there was a door to the broom closet. One evening as mom was in the sewing room, I was trying to find her to see what she was up to. I think I kind of was a little bored. Two of my sisters were in our bedroom listening to 45's on our record player and my younger brother was with mom. We were the only one's home. Trying to find mom I headed into the kitchen when all of a sudden, this ghostly figure morphed into a man coming through the kitchen door and ran into our broom closet. I let out a bloody terrorized scream at the top of my lungs. Everyone...I mean everyone came running into the kitchen to see what was wrong. I excitedly and nervously said, "a man ran into our closet! There's a man in our closet!" My mom with terror and worry in her eyes immediately opened the closet door to reveal no one there. Was this a figment of imagination? Or was this my first experience with hallucinations? I will never know. Maybe this was a testament to Satan trying to intertwine fear and terror in my life. I will not completely understand. But one thing I do know is the capability of Satan trying to throw confusion and chaos into the mix when you are close to God. He does not like us having a close relationship with Christ. He is smooth at dissuading you away. He is destructive. A destroyer and the author and finisher of all things not good. To this day this event filled me with terror inside I cannot comprehend. The devil might be real, but I am choosing to follow and believe in Christ.
Warning to Pay Attention
Hebrew 2:14 NIV
...since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death--that is, the devil--
Hosea 13:8 NIV
Like a bear robbed of her cubs, I will attack them and rip them open; like a lion I will devour them--a wild animal will tear them apart.
Isaiah 12:2 NIV
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation."
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV
"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Comments
Post a Comment